‘In pain and in suffering, I’ll be there for you’
I had said it once!
Little did I know that 10 years on she would call with a statement ‘I am terrible. Did you hear that, I am a terrible terrible human.’
It was hard to hear her cry over phone,
It was hard to explain anything to her.
All I could gather that she was made to feel pathetic and she was torn apart.
The world that she was a part of convinced her that she wasn’t theirs from the end to the start.
I couldn’t comprehend her pain,
I couldn’t convince her otherwise,
When she felt her integrity was scrutinised.
She spoke at length and I heard in silence,
I kept repeating that she was in denial.
She didn’t seem to hear me right,
Instead she declared to me that she was completely unfit to fight with life.
I trusted time and I thought we had enough
Somehow I believed we could meet and chat even though wake hours were tough
I knew I had a lot to tell you and I knew you had a lot to share
Of life and broken veins
Of trust and undefined pain
Somehow I got it all wrong.
Your last breath took you real far
My friend in you, died with your body car
I can play pretend and repeat a thousand times
That I know your soul will live with me till my last cry
But I also know that it will be a lie
I misjudged the time I had, to see the physical you, to meet, chat and weave few more dreams through
Now that I have lost you,
I sit back and think
Our memories are all that I have to hold onto as I let your absence sink
I know that time is one big healer of pain
I so wish I had used it wisely; to weave pieces of our life story than to contemplate after you are gone, in vain.
I will always miss you, my dear friend.
my pain is not because I got hurt and can’t move
It’s because you believe that I shouldn’t move
my pain is not because of the labels that I carry
It’s because you believe that I should carry them
my pain is not because I treat myself to dust
but because you believe that I am an object of lust
my pain is not because of my low self esteem
It’s because you believe I deserve to live on the seam
my pain is not because of who I am deep within but because you believe you hold an explanation to the existence of my soul herein