The very fact that none of us have a choice to die closes all avenues and norms of ‘freedom’ that we keep talking about time and again through centuries. We are all born out of other humans. We evolve into humans. We carry out tasks like other humans. We basically move up and down and in circles like every other human. In these movements through time and air, we entangle ourselves into thoughts, theories and actions. We react, we act, we feel and we live. We force feed ourselves into gaining knowledge of the unknown given that we feel very strongly about the power of the universe that we are all a part of! However, in the process we fail to acknowledge that this very universe didn’t give us the key to be equal and to be free in our human form 😂 What it has done though is this. It has given each of us a desire, a little code of information in each of us that makes us all exactly equal and exactly similar. So I don’t understand these baseless debates around equality and around freedom.. Doesn’t suit us humans to even talk of freedom because for sure, the only certainty that we do know of, that is, death, we don’t even have the freedom to choose it so what on earth are we talking about and killing each other and fighting for?!
Her signatures didn’t match, neither did her cards work
Heels hurt her ankles; and the back zip made her uncomfortable
She stood patiently looking at her watch
She was hoping something, somehow would tick in the clock
The minutes turned to hours and hours into a day
Her routine of waiting never changed its way
Righteousness never flowed in through the passage of her door
She never knew what it would be if life had been tuned not abhorred
Perhaps destiny, is what she consoled her heart of!
Maybe the winds were listening to her in disgust and moved on
Patience gave into pretence; circles reduced to dots
Brokenness defined itself through her unnerving faith and trust.
‘In pain and in suffering, I’ll be there for you’
I had said it once!
Little did I know that 10 years on she would call with a statement ‘I am terrible. Did you hear that, I am a terrible terrible human.’
It was hard to hear her cry over phone,
It was hard to explain anything to her.
All I could gather that she was made to feel pathetic and she was torn apart.
The world that she was a part of convinced her that she wasn’t theirs from the end to the start.
I couldn’t comprehend her pain,
I couldn’t convince her otherwise,
When she felt her integrity was scrutinised.
She spoke at length and I heard in silence,
I kept repeating that she was in denial.
She didn’t seem to hear me right,
Instead she declared to me that she was completely unfit to fight with life.
When a child is born, the umbilical chord is cut by someone, he is cleaned up by someone, he is wrapped up by someone and he is fed by someone. He, is dependent on everyone around; he trusts everyone around; he is a part of them and they are a part of him. To him, they are all part of the same ‘life’. Trust, faith, love and being take care of comes as part and parcel of his very entity. Right after he is born, he places his trust in everyone without knowing his relationship to them, without knowing what work they do professionally, without knowing how much money they have or how much money he has. He is born a human and he comes with his basic rights of trusting humans for being human and for making him one of them in time, through what they all share, ‘life’ 🙂
Then why through the years, these very core rights of his on humans needs to be earned back?! Why does he doubt intentions of others?! Why does he think twice and even thrice or several times before loving another human?! Why his vision of ‘trust’ gets restricted?! Why?!
Life, never said to the soul that was born that ‘go and earn money, earn a name for yourself’.. Instead life said, ‘go and live me. Live me well.’ .. And ‘live well’ took into materials so deeply that the very core of his rights as a human, on other humans and on life itself, got blurred.
Why would trusting another human beyond relationships be so hard?! Why would loving another human beyond defined boundaries be hard?! These are what we were born with, these are what we are made of! So why would we bring and build other humans differently?!
That awkward sensation of a touch,
that feeling of being loved,
that moment when your world collapsed,
the burden of being lied;
that process of breathing that you had to re-learn,
that accountability that you had to burn,
the roads that you had to stare,
that journey which was fruitlessly despair;
the sentence that broke your soul,
the gifts that burned your clothes,
that freedom that even you envisage,
that glory that you would rather cultivate;
the nation that you have always loved,
the books that you have covered up;
the writings that you have torn into pieces,
the knowledge that you reuse to cliche;
that body of yours, when it was criticised,
that moment when your associations failed to divine;
the dilemma that you breathe in, we all do;
you’re the mother, the carrier of life,
undeniably broken yet forgivingly new.
He, failed to keep his promise,
He, got promoted to the post of a director,
He, longed to see his ailing mother,
And he, promised to never fall in love.
He, couldn’t tell anyone how he truly felt,
He, had to walk miles to feed his growing self,
He, learnt the art of ‘being strong’,
And he, forgot to close the chapters of worldly rights vs wrongs.
He, worried about his family finances,
He, danced like a maniac at the party crisis,
He, spoke nonstop all through the night,
And he, couldn’t tell anyone that he didn’t feel all right.
He, did stare at the beautiful girl walk in,
He, didn’t give a damn to the winning cricket team,
He, chased out a thousand worries from his head,
And he, spoke about everything but being well.
He, wanted to cry out loud,
He, could feel his world collapse,
He, found it hard to play pretend being strong,
And he, quietly resigned to feeling depressed.
He, became the subject of social issues,
He, made the world believe in strength, power,
He, held onto his glorious position of the provider,
And he, failed to frown at the losses of the flag bearer.
He, let days pass, weeks pass and years go by,
He, wrote songs; he, wrote lullabies,
He, sang with all his heart,
And he, danced to the beats even when it didn’t make it to the charts.
He, strengthened everything that was thrown at him,
He, rejoiced the fame,
He, parted with the image that chained his soul,
And he, became a victim of his own strength.
He, renounced the world at several points in life,
He, was still held responsible for the mess,
While he, led the world into powerful visions,
He, was still held accountable for the disdains.
When I borrowed your glasses to see,
I found it hard to contemplate if that was at all me.
The lesions were unparalleled, uncluttered,
The I, that I had known,
distanced itself from that very zone.
I thought hard and I thought long,
Was I right in borrowing your glasses to view my own lived life song?!
Parts of it weren’t how I had perceived the me,
Different in sensibilities and far away from my breathing reality,
I wish I could have shared my shoes with you, instead
Our walks could then have had a meaningful descent,
If I borrowed your glasses after the walk,
Perhaps, your perception of me wouldn’t be worth a talk.