My friend. In pain. 

‘In pain and in suffering, I’ll be there for you’
I had said it once! 

Little did I know that 10 years on she would call with a statement ‘I am terrible. Did you hear that, I am a terrible terrible human.’

It was hard to hear her cry over phone,

It was hard to explain anything to her.

All I could gather that she was made to feel pathetic and she was torn apart. 

The world that she was a part of convinced her that she wasn’t theirs from the end to the start.

I couldn’t comprehend her pain,

I couldn’t convince her otherwise,

When she felt her integrity was scrutinised.

She spoke at length and I heard in silence,

I kept repeating that she was in denial.

She didn’t seem to hear me right,

Instead she declared to me that she was completely unfit to fight with life. 

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I will always miss you, my dear friend. 

I trusted time and I thought we had enough

Somehow I believed we could meet and chat even though wake hours were tough 

I knew I had a lot to tell you and I knew you had a lot to share 

Of life and broken veins 

Of trust and undefined pain 

Somehow I got it all wrong. 

Your last breath took you real far 

My friend in you, died with your body car 

I can play pretend and repeat a thousand times 

That I know your soul will live with me till my last cry 

But I also know that it will be a lie 

I misjudged the time I had, to see the physical you, to meet, chat and weave few more dreams through 

Now that I have lost you, 

I sit back and think 

Our memories are all that I have to hold onto as I let your absence sink 

I know that time is one big healer of pain 

I so wish I had used it wisely; to weave pieces of our life story than to contemplate after you are gone, in vain. 

I will always miss you, my dear friend. 

a friend that I miss! 

I was 20. You were 10.

The minute I heard your mother on radio, I knew you were my friend. 

I wrote to the presenters, I wrote to the channel. 

They never wrote back, my letters went into a dead tunnel.

I searched for you everywhere. 

You have been in my thoughts since. 

Only I knew, the dance steps that brought you to life, gave me peace within. 

I wasn’t the diagnosed one, you were, unfortunately. 

They termed your illness critical and said it had no chance of recovery. 

I prayed for you in every single dream of mine since; 

I still hope to meet you in person, someday, somehow, deep within. 

I know you don’t know me, I don’t know you as an individual. 

What I do know is that my prayers have your name on them and so does each of my breathing cell. 

I hope you have made it through these years because somewhere in me, I hold a belief .. to see the beautiful time tested and survived individual that you must have become! 
In hope. 

In gratitude. 

In prayers. 
I miss you, my young unseen friend with a disease that I can’t name!

to A Friend of Mine ..

I’m not the best of people around and neither am I the perfect friend to have!

I’m flawed at many levels and I’ve hidden act.

I’vent been the best listener when you needed one and neither have I been oratory fun!

I’ve been busy in my own world when perhaps you needed a hug.

In my mind, I did admit that I was all wrong until I received your message that read you love me for I’ve been your prettiest song! 🙂

Not very lyrical and certainly not melodious but am glad we sailed through life beyond what’s termed ‘cyclical’.